I've escaped!

Finally, after months and months of throwing feces through the bars of my cage, I was able to get the guard (what kind of person applies to be security at the zoo?) pissed enough that he tried to get into my cage. I say try as he spent the better part of an hour trying to break the lock and at the same time dodging everything I was throwing at him. (It's amazing the laxatitive properties bananas have on monkeys). Well to make a long story short, I escaped. I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice it to say that all I used was a tire swing, a broomstick, and my superior intellect.

Hmm... Did I say superior intellect? I seem to forget where I am at the moment. After escaping from the zoo about 6 months ago, I decided to go off on an adventure and get out of the States. It seems that monkeys aren't too welcome on the streets of New York. Anyways, I remembered hearing old stories from my Great Grandfather, an alpha male in our troop named Bet (people always seemed to make fun of him for his name). The stories were about our ancient ancestors, who long ago traveled up into the north, in search of... Well, I don't exactly know what they went up there for, but I was sure it was something worthwhile. With these thought in my head, and an advertisement that flights on all Delta airlines charged no extra fees for pets, I got off the plane at Sheremetyevo and began my exploration of what is so stereotypically called "Mother Russia"...